Not every divorce has to be a fight. If you and your spouse can still talk — even imperfectly — divorce mediation lets you settle custody, support, and property in a series of private sessions instead of a contested courtroom battle, usually in a fraction of the time and cost. As a Long Island divorce mediation lawyer based in Islandia, Picarello & Saciolo, PLLC guides couples through a neutral, structured process and then drafts an agreement that holds up in a New York court.
What sets attorney-led mediation apart is what happens after you reach agreement: because a lawyer is in the room, your settlement is drafted correctly the first time, filed as an uncontested divorce, and built to survive review — not a handshake you have to pay someone else to formalize later. The firm has been recognized in Super Lawyers, named to Best of Long Island and the 10 Best by AIOFLA, and carries a Better Business Bureau A+ rating.
Free consultation — call (631) 392-4949 or request a callback below.
Table of Contents
What Divorce Mediation Actually Is in New York
Mediation, litigation, and collaborative divorce — the difference
In a litigated divorce, each spouse hires their own attorney and a judge ultimately decides anything the parties cannot. In collaborative divorce, each spouse still has a separate lawyer, but everyone signs an agreement to settle out of court. Mediation is different from both: one neutral professional — the mediator — sits with both spouses together and helps them reach their own agreement on every issue. The mediator does not represent either side and does not decide anything for you. You stay in control of the outcome; the mediator controls the process.
The mediator is neutral — why that matters
Because the mediator is neutral, they cannot give either spouse private legal advice or fight for one of you against the other. That neutrality is the source of mediation’s speed and lower cost, but it has a limit: a mediator can explain how New York law generally applies, but cannot tell you individually whether a deal is good for you. That is why many couples have each spouse run the near-final agreement past their own review attorney before signing — a short, inexpensive step we will explain and encourage.
Why use an attorney as your mediator
New York does not license private mediators — anyone can call themselves one. A divorce mediator does not have to be a lawyer, and many are not. The advantage of choosing an attorney mediator is concrete: a lawyer who handles divorces every day knows exactly what a New York court requires, can flag the maintenance-formula and child-support numbers as you go, and can draft the binding settlement agreement and the full uncontested-divorce packet without sending you elsewhere. As a Long Island divorce mediation lawyer, the lead attorney mediates the conversation and produces the paperwork — so you are not paying a non-lawyer mediator and then a second attorney to make the agreement enforceable.
How Divorce Mediation Works — Step by Step
Most Long Island mediations run three to six sessions over a few weeks to a few months, depending on how much there is to resolve. Here is the typical path.
1. Free initial consultation
We meet with both spouses, explain the process and the cost, and confirm that mediation is a fit. If there is a history of domestic violence, an active order of protection, or one spouse is hiding assets or refusing to disclose finances, we will tell you honestly that mediation is not appropriate and point you to the right path instead.
2. Financial disclosure
Both spouses gather and exchange the same financial picture — income, accounts, retirement, real estate, and debts. Honest, complete disclosure is the foundation of a durable agreement; an agreement built on hidden information can be reopened later, which defeats the entire point of mediating.
3. The mediation sessions
Session by session, we work through the issues that apply to your family: a parenting plan and custody, child support, spousal maintenance, the house, retirement accounts, debts, and taxes. You set the priorities; the mediator keeps the conversation productive and grounded in what a New York court would actually do, so the deal you reach is realistic.
4. Drafting the settlement agreement
Once you agree on everything, we draft the Marital Settlement Agreement (or Separation Agreement) — the binding contract that controls custody, support, and property. This is where attorney-led mediation earns its value: the document is written to New York standards, with the correct support calculations and the language a court expects.
5. Filing the uncontested divorce
With a signed agreement in hand, the divorce is filed as uncontested — almost always resolved on the papers, with no trial and usually no court appearance. New York is a no-fault state, so most couples cite the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage for at least six months under Domestic Relations Law §170(7). We prepare and file the full packet so the judgment of divorce issues cleanly.
What Mediation Can Resolve — and What It Can’t
Handled well in mediation:
- A complete parenting plan: legal and physical custody, the holiday and vacation schedule, decision-making, and travel.
- Child support, including add-ons for child care, health insurance, and unreimbursed medical costs.
- Spousal maintenance — amount and duration — modeled against New York’s guideline formula.
- Equitable distribution: the marital home, bank and brokerage accounts, retirement and pensions, businesses, and debts.
- Tax treatment, the timeline, and how and when assets actually get transferred.
Usually not appropriate for mediation:
- Cases with domestic violence or an active order of protection — these are specifically excluded from the courts’ mediation program, and for good reason.
- Situations where one spouse will not disclose finances honestly, or is concealing assets.
- A spouse who simply refuses to negotiate in good faith, or where there is a deep power imbalance the process can’t correct.
If your case falls into the second group, that is not a dead end — it usually means a contested or litigated divorce is the right tool, and the firm handles those too.
The Court Actually Encourages Mediation
New York’s courts now operate a presumptive alternative dispute resolution (ADR) program, which means contested divorces are routinely referred to a free, court-run Matrimonial Mediation Program unless there is a good reason not to. Court mediators address custody, visitation, child support, maintenance, and property — though cases involving orders of protection, domestic violence, or child abuse are excluded. You can see the local rollout on the Suffolk County (10th Judicial District) ADR page. The takeaway: even the court system treats mediation as the default for divorces that can settle. Choosing a Long Island divorce mediation lawyer up front simply gets you there faster, with an agreement already drafted, instead of waiting for a referral after litigation has started.
Cost — What Mediation Saves
Mediation is almost always the least expensive way to divorce in New York. A litigated, contested divorce on Long Island routinely runs into five figures per spouse once you account for two separate attorneys, motions, discovery, and possibly a trial. Mediation replaces most of that with a shared, hourly process and a single drafted agreement.
Two costs to plan for, separate from the mediator’s time:
- Court filing fees for the uncontested divorce — currently around $385 in mandatory New York filing fees, with a few smaller fees depending on the county.
- An optional review-attorney consultation for each spouse before signing — a small, flat fee that buys real peace of mind on a major agreement.
At the consultation we will quote your mediation honestly and give you a realistic total, including filing fees, so there are no surprises.
Is Mediation Right for Your Situation?
Mediation tends to work best when:
- Both spouses want the divorce, or at least accept that it is happening.
- You can be in the same room and communicate, even if there is tension and distrust.
- You both want to protect your children from a drawn-out court fight.
- You value privacy — mediation happens in a conference room, not the public record of a trial.
- You want to control the outcome yourselves rather than hand it to a judge.
If you are not sure which category you fall into, that is exactly what the free consultation is for. We will give you a straight answer about whether to mediate — and we will say so if you are better served by traditional representation.
How much does divorce mediation cost on Long Island?
Mediation is typically the cheapest route to divorce. Most New York couples spend roughly $1,000 to $5,000 in total mediator time — far less than a contested, litigated divorce, which routinely costs five figures per spouse. On top of the mediator’s fee you should budget the mandatory court filing fees (currently around $385 in New York) and, optionally, a short review-attorney consultation for each spouse before signing.
How long does divorce mediation take in New York?
Most Long Island mediations finish in three to six sessions over a few weeks to a few months, depending on how many issues there are and how prepared both spouses are. Once a signed agreement is filed as an uncontested divorce, the judgment itself can take additional weeks to months depending on the county’s court backlog.
Is the mediator my lawyer?
No. The mediator is neutral and does not represent either spouse, which is why a mediator cannot give either of you private legal advice. The benefit of using an attorney mediator is that the same professional understands New York law and can draft the binding settlement agreement correctly — but for individual advice, each spouse can have a separate review attorney look over the agreement before signing.
Do we each still need our own attorney?
You are not required to, and many mediating couples do not hire separate trial attorneys at all. What we recommend is that each spouse have a brief, flat-fee review with an independent attorney before signing the final agreement. It is inexpensive and ensures each person fully understands a document that will govern custody, support, and property.
Is mediation legally binding?
The mediation conversation itself is not — but the Marital Settlement Agreement you sign at the end is a binding contract, and once it is incorporated into your judgment of divorce it is fully enforceable in court. That is precisely why having a Long Island divorce mediation lawyer draft the agreement matters: a poorly drafted agreement can be challenged or prove unenforceable later.
Can we mediate if we have children?
Yes — mediation is often the best option for parents, because it lets you build a parenting plan together instead of having a judge impose one. Mediators routinely handle custody, the parenting-time schedule, decision-making, and child support, and the cooperative tone tends to make co-parenting easier after the divorce.
What if mediation does not work?
Nothing is lost. If you reach an impasse, you can switch to a traditional divorce, and the financial disclosures you already exchanged carry over. Because our firm also handles contested and litigated divorce, we can continue with you if the case needs to move to court — you are not starting over with a stranger.
Does New York require a divorce mediator to be licensed?
No. New York does not license private divorce mediators, and a mediator is not required to be an attorney. That is why credentials matter when you choose one. Using an experienced family-law attorney as your mediator means the person guiding your settlement actually knows what a New York court will require and can prepare the paperwork to match.
Why Picarello & Saciolo for Divorce Mediation
- Attorney-led mediation. Your mediator is a practicing New York family-law attorney, so the agreement is drafted to court standards and filed as a complete uncontested divorce — no second lawyer required to make it enforceable.
- We also litigate. Because the firm handles contested and appellate matrimonial work, we know exactly what a judge would do with each issue — which makes the settlements we mediate realistic and durable. If mediation fails, we can take the case forward.
- Long Island specific. We know the Nassau and Suffolk matrimonial parts, the local court ADR rollout, and how local judges treat the issues you are settling.
- Same attorney throughout. The lead attorney you meet at the consultation stays with you to the signed agreement and final judgment — no handoffs.
- 24-hour callback. Every web lead is contacted within one business day, almost always the same day.
- Mission-driven. Active pro bono representation, recognized annually by the Nassau County Bar Association.
Talk to a Long Island Divorce Mediation Lawyer
If you and your spouse want a faster, more private, less expensive divorce — and you want the agreement done right the first time — the next step is a free consultation. We will tell you honestly whether mediation fits your situation, walk you through the process and the cost, and answer your questions with no pressure. Speak with a Long Island divorce mediation lawyer who will also tell you when mediation is not the right call.
Related reading on this site: Divorce & Separation Agreements, Child Custody, and Fathers’ Rights. (Also link your Child Support, Spousal Support/Maintenance, and Prenuptial & Postnuptial pages here once you confirm those slugs — [add your links].)
Office: 1601 Veterans Memorial Hwy, Suite 500, Islandia, NY 11749 | Phone: (631) 392-4949 | Email: info@bpfamilylaw.com
Disclaimers
Attorney Advertising. Prior results do not guarantee a similar outcome. The information on this page is general and does not constitute legal advice; consult an attorney about your specific situation. Court filing fees and figures are current as of June 2026 and are set by the New York State Unified Court System, which adjusts them periodically.
